Sex Lives chronicles the evolution of one person's sexual history. This week: Will, 44, in London, Ontario, Canada. 

When I was eighteen, I had a summer job where I met a girl who was three years older and it became known to me that her goal was to “deflower” me. It ended up becoming a relationship. The first summer we were hanging out at her house and she was on the phone with a friend and I vividly remember going down on her—that was the first real actual sexual experience. 

The relationship lasted three years and it was it was very sexual. She came from a single-parent family—it was her dad and he worked shift work. My parents didn't really care if I slept over at someone’s house, but her dad was very strict. I remember there were times where he would go to bed because he had to get up early the next morning for work and she would pretend to walk me to the front door, and then we would slowly creep upstairs and have quiet sex in her room. I would stay the night but then when we heard her dad get up and get ready for work, I would hide under her bed because her dad always had that habit of opening the door to check that she was asleep before he went to work. It was a very fun relationship.

The sex that really stands out was from when I started working after university. I’d been sent to do some international work for my company in the U.K. I always found the sexual culture more open over there than in Canada. There was one girl in particular whom I worked with who was very flirty. I was staying in a hotel, and every now and then she would show up at the hotel, just knocking on my door. It developed into kind of a sexual relationship that lasted about a year whenever I was in town. One night she showed up to my hotel dressed as a schoolgirl. One night we were out with some of her friends and I was driving her home and we’d go down some back country roads just to drive and one night we decided to pull the car over and we ended up having sex on the hood of the car on this back country road. You know: moonlit sky and not a soul in sight. It was wild. We moved from the hood of the car to the back hatch of the car. Just the freedom and the spontaneity of it all really stood out.

There was another girl who worked at the hotel that I was staying at over there. I became very good friends with one of the bartenders at the hotel and she also worked at the bar. Eventually I started hanging out with that crew of people outside of work. And it got to the point where this bartender and I were flirting quite heavily. One night we were going back to the place where they all lived in a group housing setup and we were in a multi-person van driving back. She was wearing fishnet stockings and in the back of this van I reached over and started rubbing her leg and my hand worked up her skirt. Eventually I was fingering her while all these other people were in the van and she was getting very excited—her legs were shaking. We got back to the place they all lived and she was like, “actually let’s go back to your hotel room,” so we did, and when we got there, we just continued where we left off. But when we were going to have sex and I took out a condom and she said, “What are you doing?” and I said, “Well, are we not going to have sex?” and she says, “Yes, but I don’t want to use a condom.” And I was like, “I’m not comfortable not using one.” And it turned into this heated debate and eventually I was just like you know what, this isn’t happening, you have to go. So I called her a cab and walked her to the door and that was it. I never interacted with her again. I would see her and it was very, very tense. Given the build up and excitement of that, that was probably the worst sexual experience I ever had.

I’m currently with my wife and over time we’ve learned what each of us like. I know what I need to do to make her happy. When we were younger, we attempted anal but it didn’t work out very well and neither of us took a liking to it, so we’ve steered away from that. I've learned that she'll pretty consistently orgasm if I do oral or she's on top so we usually do that, and then we just explore different positions to take care of me. It sounds routine, I guess, but we know what works and we want to make sure we’re both happy.

My wife gets into these phases where she wants to have the lights off because she's not happy with how she looks. I think she's beautiful. And I love her regardless of how she looks. I like to have the lights on because when I go down on her, aside from enjoying performing it, I love seeing down there because there's just something so intriguing about it. I find the male anatomy pretty boring, but I love being there. 

My wife and I work from home regularly. So I always look forward to those days when we're both home together because the kids are at school—that's time for us to possibly have sex. I always say hey, I'm available for a quickie whenever you are. But she's very busy and rarely do we get the opportunity. Every now and then we do so we look forward to those moments in terms of the kids being at a being out of the home and just being the two of us.

My wife’s outgoingness has changed over time. Before we would try sex in a car or stuff like that, but now she tends to want sex to be more private and less risky. When we were young, in the car was the most public we got—she’s gone down on me in the car while I’ve been driving before. That was always enjoyable. We were at a cottage at one point with a group of about 10 friends and we would sneak off to the hot tub or the bathroom and everyone knew what we were doing, but we were among friends who were doing the same thing, so it wasn’t a big deal. 

Fantasy-wise, I guess it's really a simple fantasy, but I’ve always imagined being in a hotel where there's a big glass window and we're having sex up against the glass with the curtains open. People may see us but we're still within a private space or out on a balcony. Stuff like that kind of intrigues my mind every now and then. But I don't think my wife would be comfortable doing that these days. So I think that will just stay fantasy.

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