This week in white people gotta be stopped: Someone claiming to be a 40-year-old "caucasian male from Europe" with a "strong and pure" heritage posted a Craiglist ad looking for a nice woman to impregnate during a solar eclipse. "I am looking for a worthy female with strong genes, beauty and smarts," he writes in the predictable cadence of someone who has never had sex before. "If we have chemistry, I would like for us to make love while the eclipse is happening. When totality occurs, we will have simultaneous orgasms and we will conceive a child that will be on the next level of human evolution."

(Here is the part in the blog where we note that this listing could be fake, but for the sake of content let's assume it's real):

"We will make love together, with me and my penis directed towards thesun. Everything will be aligned in the local universe. Both of ourcosmic orgasmic energy will be aligned with the planets."

This isn't just about making dick sundials for fun, though. Like all responsible solar eclipse sex-havers, our white supremacist friend establishes a few social parameters for his prospective lady friend:

"Drugs are OK."

We can get behind that! Maybe a nice blunt perhaps or—

"Nitrous Oxide while we climax and experience totality and conception,is OK with me."

If orgasm whip-its are what the #MAGA crowd is into that would explain a lot, quite frankly. BUT:

"You must like cats."

Ah, mystery solved. This Craigslist ad was written by a horny cat. ME-OW.

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Chris Gayomali is a GQ articles editor, where he works on features and other stories for print and web. Prior to that he was the site editor of GQ.com. His stories been anthologized in the Best American Sports Writing, have been selected for Longform’s annual Best Of lists, and have... Read moreArticles EditorXInstagramRelated Stories for GQSexSex and Relationships