I regret to inform my haters that I’m a happy person in a healthy relationship as the result of a blind date coordinated by my mastermind friend. I’ve touted Tinder in the past, and still appreciate the app’s gift for pairing you with people whom you may otherwise never encounter IRL. (Plus, swiping from your couch can be fun. It’s our generation’s Tetris.) However, after meeting someone without any preconceived notions of one another, I’m an advocate of doing it ‘90s style. I, a blind date success story, am going to sell you on why you, too, should try a blind date. And no, it won’t be any more awkward than a Tinder date.

The Pitch

The phrase “blind date” conjures all sorts of awkward imagery, but it’s a lot of fun. It’s the opposite of the word “Coachella,” which conjures all sorts of entertaining, sexy imagery but always ends with you doing bad drugs and sobbing after accepting the truth that you don’t actually like Radiohead. When we go on Tinder dates, we’re usually going on a date with a two-dimensional projection we've built from a short profile, not an actual person (like when Coachella disrespected Tupac with that ridiculous holograph). This leads to all sorts of assumptions and disappointments. In my case, I was perpetually letting down dates who were astonished to learn that I was an actual human being capable of emotions, and not a pink-haired Manic Pixie blow-up doll. If you follow the rules, blind dates allow you to meet someone without perceived fantasies. You actually get to know the person for who they truly are, and if you have nothing to talk about, you can talk about your friend. Most of us are shit at picking out romantic partners, and so it makes much more sense for our friends to do it for us.

The Method

Not everyone is as thoughtful as my matchmaker friend. The best people to set up others are probably those who are either securely single or in happy relationships. Those people are less likely to want everyone to join in on their misery, and they’re less likely to hoard all their eligible friends for themselves. So ask your happy friends if they know anyone, noting the struggles you’ve experienced with online dating. There’s no reason to be embarrassed. Just be like, “Hey, I’m lonely and horny and feel ready for a relationship for once, do you know anyone?” They’ll get it. Loneliness and horniness are pretty much universal human emotions. If they don’t know anyone good for you: nothing lost, nothing gained. If they do, perhaps you’ll meet someone who will organically get to know you and forge a relationship based off a trusted friend’s instinct, rather than a shared love for online love for lattes and Bernie Sanders.

The Rule

No peeking. Since many of us live public lives online, maintaining the “blind” in “blind date” can be difficult. But you must follow the rules. That means no internet stalking: No Googling your date, and no rooting through the matchmaker’s Facebook in search of them. No asking your friends to stalk for you. If you do, you’ll just feel like you did when you were a kid and you peeked underneath the wrapping paper of your Christmas presents. Peeking always leads to disappointment that you ruined the surprise. My matchmaker gave me my date’s first name, assurance that he was cool and hot, and his phone number. No further questions or stalking allowed. Follow her rules! Show up to the date and act chill. Trust your friend. And remember the worst online date you’ve been on. Once I went on a date with someone who identified as politically liberal on his profile and then, upon learning that I’m bisexual, literally asked me why he couldn’t marry his brother now that gay marriage was legal. I’ve rescued a friend from a date in which the dude came clean after one drink that he didn’t want kids because of his family’s murderous history. There’s no way a blind date can be worse than your worst online date.

The Epilogue

If you go on a blind date and it goes well, pay it forward and set up your friends. Just look around for those people who you feel genuinely deserve love, but who seem to be pretty terrible at finding it on their own. Then think of who you know that might be good for them and could also use a ride or die. Book the dinner reservation, pass along first names and numbers, and when they ask, tell them that yes, they’re hot, but please chill the fuck out because I know what I’m doing. If all goes well, you get to stop listening to your friend’s whining.

Sophie Saint Thomas is an award-winning journalist (Brooklyn Magazine 30 Under 30, High Times 100 Women in High Places) and six-time author in New York City. She grew up in the U.S. Virgin Islands. Her writing, which focuses on sex, love, as well as drugs and queer subcultures, can be... Read moreInstagramXRelated Stories for GQWhat She SaidSexDatingSex and Relationships