It’s time to honor Saint Valentine with a day of appreciation for the one with whom you share all your streaming-service passwords. But, what if we told you the ultimate insult would be planning a date that’s too romantic. Breathe easy, Romeos (is that insensitive?). We’re not campaigning for a Valentine’s Day completely sans “romance.” Rather, we’re asking you to remember that at its essence, romance is “a feeling of mystery.” If you’re recycling date ideas from the Nicholas Sparks movies she’s made you watch a gazillion times like every other V-Day Amateur, there ain’t no mystery there.

We asked 50 women to tell us their best and worst Valentine’s Day dates, and what they really want to do this year—no clichés and no bullshit. It’s generally not much more than a simple way to say, "Hey. Hey, you. You're great."

See below for 9 bits of their heart-earned wisdom:

1. Don’t Be Afraid to Call an Audible“We were driving to dinner and I was saying how tired I was. He said, ‘Let’s get some takeout, go home and close the bedroom door.’”

“Our favorite spot closed, so we recreated it at home by cooking together. No candlelight or anything fancy—just good old-fashioned teamwork.”

2. Crawl, Y’all“I love doughnuts, so we spent the day trying every place in town that offered doughnuts.”

“Some kind of fun, unpretentious wine or other alcohol tasting would be fun. Then if you buy anything, when you drink it you’ll remember that Valentine’s together.”

“When I moved to the city he lived in, I shared that I hadn’t felt at home because I didn’t have any 'thinking spots' yet. So, he took me on a walking tour of all his favorite thinking spots. We ended the night at a small café with hot chocolate and churros.”

3. Play Truth or Dare Until You’re Naked“We had a 12-hour date from 6 p.m. to 6 a.m. We shut off our phones and went to our favorite neighborhood and took turns choosing ways to turn. While exploring, we each picked out something we liked from a storefront, in lieu of a big-pressure, V-Day gift, and all the while, we took off one article of clothing every hour. Once we were too cold (and too naked) to enter stores, we returned home for an extensive game of Truth or Dare.”

4. Leave a Paper (or Wrapper) Trail“He covered my room with taped-up paper valentines for kids, but each one had a reason he loved me written on it. I still have the box of them somewhere.”

“He sent me cupcakes to share with my coworkers.”

5. Avoid Heavy Hands, Wallets, or Stomachs“We went to a fancy steakhouse and binged. Later, I laid on the bed stuffed while trying to block out sounds of him throwing up in the bathroom. We’re married now, and usually stick to a light sushi dinner for Valentine’s Day.”

“Have sexy time before dinner. It’s fun to reverse the usual order, and you’re not trying to do it after a heavy Italian meal. It leaves more room for spontaneity too.”

“He took me for my first motorcycle ride through the countryside in the dark. It was exhilarating. Plus, he looked sexy as hell on the bike. It was fun to share something he loves and different from our usual dates—all for the price of gas.”

“One valentine wrote ‘I love you’ in his native tongue on a Starbucks cup. It was cute, budget-friendly, and appropriate for the early stage in our relationship.”

"I came home from work and the entire house was clean, the laundry done, the dishwasher loaded, the kids at my in-laws, and a bottle of champagne on ice. It was an almost-expense-free night, but all the stressful things I deal with at the end of a long day were taken care of. I could've wept.”

6. Do a Hella Random ActivityReal Suggestions Included

Indoor SkydivingEscape the RoomZiplining/mountain adventure24-hour couch sitting (watch movies, order Seamless, make out)Scavenger huntWinter beach trip (bring wine to fight the cold)Fill a room with balloons and pop themVespa rideThe Westminister Dog Show

7. Keep the “Extra” in Check“A college boyfriend took me out to a swanky restaurant in Philly. Since we hadn’t even been dating a week, I was pretty sure he had a standing reservation there. Plus, I got a single red rose. Could we be more cliché?”

“It was a new relationship and he tried too hard. He booked three different restaurants so I could choose, but that made me stressed before we even sat down to eat.”

“We had a Groupon to a high-end Manhattan restaurant. We showed up, were seated, mentioned the Groupon and they said it wasn’t being accepted that night. We legit got up and left.”

“He literally sent me flowers, chocolates, singing people, cookies… I received four packages that day and everyone at work was like, ‘Wow. This is a lot.’ It was about possession and we broke up soon thereafter.”

8. Pay Attention, Yo"Thoughtfulness trumps extravagance. He took me to a ballet performance that I hadn’t seen since I was a kid. I mentioned the dance company in passing, and he clearly remembered it.”

“Back when I used a laundromat, I never had enough quarters. One time, my valentine gave me a whole bag so I would never have to go searching for them again.”

“Roses are overrated, so he went to three different florists to make me a bouquet of multicolored tulips that weren’t in season.”

“Read your woman. Rather than traditional gifts, he got me a goody bag of little things—rose Vaseline lip balm, orange Tic-Tacs, the new Adele CD—that showed he’d thought about what I’d love.”

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“I asked him to cook me dinner. Instead, he got carry-out pasta from my favorite Italian place. The food was delicious, but an act of service would’ve meant so much more. Guys, if she specifically requests something that isn’t super difficult — do it. Don’t completely ignore her.”

“A boyfriend once cooked me this elaborate meal, but it was all food I disliked. We’d been together for about 3 years, so it’s not like this was news to him.”

9. Aaand, Don’t Do These Things“Chocolates and roses at his house with a whack movie. Literally, the reason this article is so necessary.”

“On my first Valentine’s Day date with my husband I showed up to his place all dressed up for a fancy night out, only to find that he had ordered in a heart-shaped pizza.”

“I met the family.”

“He got me a giant pink frog. Frogs are not romantic—even if they are pink.”

“There’s cute-corny and there’s didn’t-give-a-shit corny, and he hit the latter with a teddy bear and heart-shaped chocolate box from Duane Reade. Duane Reade. Don’t give her stupid stuff she won’t want to display.”

“He henna-tattooed my name on his shaft."(Editor’s Note: This was included in the questionnaire section asking about the most “surprising and appreciated thing a Valentine has done,” but I’m telling you: don’t do this.)

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