Cologne is popular for one very simple reason: There is no more definitive signifier of wealth than the cultivated trait of smelling good. It doesn’t matter how meticulously coiffed your hair is or how many pairs of increasingly oversized Gucci loafers you pull over your feet, one on top of the next; when you smell bad, you are telegraphing to those around you that human’s noblest basic need—hygiene—escapes your grasp.

What happens when you smell bad is that people think you do not shower. They question if you shower at all, or if you have access to a shower. They assume you cannot afford soap, or worse, that you are an idiot who has entered into a housing agreement that does not afford you use of a shower. Their nostril hairs are singed just from being around you, so they choose not to be around you, and you die alone.

When you smell fantastic people love you and you are happy.

Of course, “smelling good” is not synonymous with “bearing a scent.” There are plenty of people who bathe in Abercrombie & Fitch Fierce and still smell bad. Most colognes just mask your body odor with notes of leather, oud, citrus, etc. They cover you like a biohazard suit, and everybody who encounters you becomes acutely aware that you are Wearing A Fragrance. Subtler, lightweight fragrances, however, use ingredients like musk (or, at their most sophisticated, specific aroma-chemicals like Iso E Super) to bond and blend with your own unique personal scent. They just make it nicer to smell in the process. In other words, they work with, enhance, and improve upon your natural pheromones, instead of smacking them down and laying on top of them, as other fragrances are wont to do.

Scent is a powerful communicator—too much or too little can put you in the danger [of alienation] zone. The Goldilocks solution is a fragrance that smells just like regular old you, but palpably better. Something that invokes a combination of clean skin, fresh laundry, and the unmistakable aura of sophistication. I’ve gathered some mens cologne reviews for you, because I’m a philanthropist. Behold:

Kiehl’s Original Musk$43

Kiehl’s

My favorite fragrance on God’s green Earth. It is almost annoying how many compliments I get when I wear it, from various co-workers and Trader Joe’s employees. (Almost annoying. I love the attention!) The key note is obviously musk, which smells like a barbershop from the bottle. On skin, however, it transforms into something dimensional—not overpowering, and custom to your body chemistry.

Escentric Molecules Molecule 01$135

Amazon

Molecule 01 is a superior fragrance because it isn’t a fragrance at all—it’s an “aroma chemical,” or a cocktail of scentless ingredients that are activated by human pheromones. If that sounds like fake science, it isn’t, I promise, but you have to try it to understand what I means. Also, Kate Moss allegedly loves it, so there’s that!Watch Now:James Harden Owns the Iciest Watch You've Ever Seen

Fueguia 1833 Muskara Phero J$374

Fueguia 1833

It's difficult to write about this fragrance without mentioning that it is unconscionably expensive—a sticker price of $374 boils down to over 30 bucks AN OUNCE—which is, apparently, the price of a truly atelier fragrance. Legend has it the scent was inspired by jaguar pheromones, and it's the standout among Fueguia's (impressive) exacting musk selection.

Clean Reserve Skin$72

Sephora

Love a fragrance that tells you exactly what it smells like. One fragrance message board commenter (there are such incredible things) writes: “You can achieve the same effect by taking a shower.” Imagine if you did both!Related Stories for GQColognes and Fragrances