It’s a high school sitcom trope: The Good Girl gets sick, and the Good Guy brings her soup. Caring for an ailing sex friend remains an important litmus test for most women well past their teen years. It gives you a chance to take charge and show her how dope you think she is—or to totally drop the ball. At worst, how you behave can be a deal-breaker. At best, your good deeds can pave the way for the DTR conversation.

Sure, if you’re just doing a bang buddies thing, the game is sorta different. Keeping things casual means you can’t move into boyfriend territory, fetching your sneezy sweetie snacks or whatnot. Snotty sex has a knack for making things real serious real fast. However, assuming you’re in it to win it and keep the relationship going, the first time she catches cold is your time to shine.

Read the Sickroom

But before you turn up with $200 worth of “Get Well Soon” balloons or whatever, feel out her vibe. Some folks prefer to be alone when ill, so don’t randomly show up if she declines your proffered good deeds—EVEN IF said good deeds involve you picking up a pizza. Moving forward without her blessing, as in all romantic situations, is just gonna freak her out, and it suggests some problematic positions on consent. But if she’s all about sick-snuggling through a Sopranos marathon and you already downed the max daily dose of Vitamin C, go for it. Learning and respecting nonverbal and verbal cues from your partner is key, so use this time to learn hers. The key is to make yourself available without forcing your presence on her. Does she need a ride to the doctor or pharmacy? Does she need laundry drop-off or pick-up? She’s more likely to take you up on a specific service rendered than an offer to do “whatever she needs.” A dude I’d met through Tinder once offered to take my dog on a walk and I swear I almost climaxed. Of course I deferred the dog-walking onto a trusted friend I could stomach seeing me in soup-person form, but the gesture got the guy a second date.

Put Your Expectations on Hold

Chances are she won’t want to expose your whole office to bronchitis at that company happy hour you’ve planned on attending together for forever. Similarly, if she usually G-Chats with you a chunk of the work day but goes MIA the moment she gets woozy, don’t be pissed. She’s trying to heal! And you can help with that if she wants you to.

See No Boogers, Hear No Coughs

You’re not allowed to be grossed out. You shouldn’t be criticizing her anyway, but make extra special sure you don’t do that now. Nobody has ever taken “you look tired” in a positive way. Likewise, no sick woman has ever looked like Colin Firth’s sick girlfriend in Love Actually, besweatered and poised except for a cute red nose. Chances are, she’s come into contact with a couple of your bodily fluids at this point; Should you spot some renegade boogers on her ratty sick sweatshirt, you’d better not let that affect your attraction to her. We’re just humans, man, and if you stick around long enough, you’ll probably see things much worse than sweater snot. Speaking of attraction, don’t even broach the topic of sex. You should still compliment her physically (cough syrup-kissed lips really are cute), but it stops there. If she initiates sex, cool, you came over to do whatever she wants.

Keep It Light

Although being helpful and kind while your partner is feeling so shitty usually bodes well for deepening the relationship, avoid super serious talks until they are healthy again. Differentiating between multivitamins and Mucinex when you’re battling a fever is demanding enough; Don’t add high-stakes chats to your partner’s stress.

Help from Afar

If you’re a germaphobe, or if she’s a solitary convalescent, you can still take action at a safe distance. Offering “let me know if you need anything” is nice, but taking unintrusive, remote action is better. Since your bed-bound boo will need some distraction from feeling so crummy, you can curate some passive entertainment by sharing your Hulu password and a list of recommendations—the junkier the better. Think mindless comedies. You can also skip the flowers in favor of healing groceries and bottled green smoothies. Send some of her favorite treats along with some tea and tissues through a delivery service like Instacart.

Actually, you know what? Throw some flowers in there, too.

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