Matt Damon's character, Mark Watney, in Ridley Scott's new film The Martian is a surprisingly chipper and well-adjusted dude considering he's just been abandoned all alone on another planet. Throughout the movie we watch him solve problem after impossible problem with a school-boy grin and self-deprecating charm. He is smart enough to grow his own food, with water he literally makes out of thin air, and fertilizer harvested from his own human waste. But by far his smartest move in the whole movie is when he shaves his beard and cuts his hair just before leaving the red planet behind. Easily the most GQ astronaut of all time, albeit a fictional one, Watney knows the value of making a good first impression.

Watney's beard grows to fill his helmet right before he hits the road to salvation in his trusty Rover. The beard represents his brash and plucky dedication to life itself. But in the moment before he flings himself towards home, he is at his most introspective and, looking in the Mav's mirror he makes a bittersweet decision: his beard and grown-out hair shall remain on Mars. It's a cleansing experience and preparation for his return to his old self. And, let's face it, he wants to look good when he sees his buddies again. Editor's note: A cordless electric razor—like the Wahl razor Mark Watney used—is your best bet when traveling, even to another planet.

Nothing about life on Mars is certain. Even on the fictional Mars shit is way beyond human understanding. Like how many sols (i.e. days on Mars) would it actually take to grow a spindly hermit beard? But one thing remains true on any planet, or even spinning crazy-fast through open space. A man should have a well groomed and clean beard or no beard at all.

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