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Photo: Casey Templeton/Newscom

From now through the New Year you’ll spend a good deal of your free time drinking too much while finding new ways to evade small talk at obligatory social events. Between your office party, your wife’s office party, Christmas Eve at your in-laws, and hometown dinner with those old friends from high school you’re not _that _excited to see, the calendar fills up quick. And you will be tempted to lubricate the awkwardness with eggnog. But before you ladle yourself some of that festive punch, think about this: one cup of store-bought eggnog has 343 calories. That’s a creamy, eight-ounce caloric nightmare.

Just to put it in perspective, we found 25 foodstuffs—some healthy options, some terrible for you—with fewer calories than one mug of nog.

Burger King Whopper Jr., 300 calories

McDonald’s BBQ Ranch Burger, 340 calories

An entire cup of half and half, 315 calories

Five cups of chopped raw onions, 320 calories

A 20 oz. bottle of Coke, 240 calories

Three tablespoons of Hellman’s mayonnaise, 270 calories

Five cups of Almond Breeze almond milk, 300 calories

Five Kraft Singles slices, 300 calories

Two packages of astronaut Neapolitan ice cream, 240 calories

Three servings of Lucky Charms (without milk), 330 calories

10 cups of chopped raw kale, 330 calories

Five Strawberry Banana Burst Go-Gurts, 300 calories

Two servings of McCann’s Steel Cut Irish oatmeal, 300 calories

One Slice of Domino’s Philly Cheese Steak Legends Pizza, 290 calories

Three bananas, 330 calories

Two White Castle sliders, 280 calories

Six cups of chopped raw carrots, 312 calories

Two bottles of Miller High Life, 286 calories

Five bottles of Miller 64, 320 calories

Four hard-boiled eggs, 312 calories

One Peanut Butter Carob Neutron edible weed bar (keep out of reach of children and pets), 219 calories

A small Wendy’s Frosty, 340 calories

11 tablespoons of sour cream, 330 calories

One serving of a Bloomin’ Onion, 327 calories

A double Manhattan, 260 calories

****

Let’s just say we’ll stick to bourbon.

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