If you haven’t been to the mall in a while, you may have PTSD from the time in 1998 when a phalanx of department-storeemployees doused you with Drakkar Noir on your way to Camelot Music. Today’s versions are different, overflowing with grooming spots where you can obtain face moisturizers, badger-hair brushes, and piney beard oils just as worthy as those in your old-timey neighborhood apothecary. Sure, you’re still within eyeshot of a Dick’s Sporting Goods and a dozen kiosks selling bootleg phone cases, but with these tricks you can be the first to discover the mall’s secret grooming powers. And maybe, in the process, grab a Cinnabon.

Step 1: Befriend the spritzer ladies.

Hit up the anchor stores first. At luxury malls like Lenox Square in Atlanta—or even at the one near me in Indianapolis (represent, Fashion Mall at Keystone)—the counters are staffed by skin wizardesses who double as grooming concierges. With knowledge gleaned from hundreds of previous clients, they can diagnose your skin needs in one glance, then suggest a product or treatment on the spot.

Step 2: Sample yourself silly.

Malls, like drug dealers, want repeat customers. So sometimes they give you that first hit free. I scored a dozen gratis packets of lotion, hair gel, and eye treatments, plus body wash and an anti-wrinkle serum by Kiehl’s. All you have to do is ask.

Step 3: You can go indie if you want to…

Sure, you’re in a mall, but that doesn’t mean you’re limited to mass-market designers and celebrity vanity products. Bloomingdale’s carries Malin+Goetz. Nordstrom stocks GQ favorite Anthony. Bluemercury will even sell you sugar-infused deodorant, which is obviously not for eating—because sugar’s bad for you.

Step 4: …Or give the chains a chance.

For the first time in your life, consider venturing into Sephora, which is like the Victoria’s Secret of grooming except for one big difference: Although it’s overwhelmingly marketed to women, the skin-care products are gender-neutral. I’ve been using FAB Pure Skin Face Cleanser for months now, with nary a pimple. If you are so moved, feel free to coat your own mug in Whipped Argan Oil Face Butter. (It does smell nice.) And pick up something for your girlfriend while you’re there.

Step 5: Treat the mall like a spa.

A mall haircut does not have to mean Supercuts. The hair obsessives at Aveda offered to inspect me with an honest-to-God “scalp camera.” The Art of Shaving had a $70 shave-and-a-haircut deal. If you’re a pedicure guy, you can do that at the mall, too. I’m not a pedicure guy. I am, however, still looking for a Sharper Image so I can sit in one of those massage chairs.

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