winter-chapstick-grooming-marlon-brando.jpgCourtesy Everett Collection

Back in my youth—like, fake I.D. youth—I was prescribed Accutane. For those unfamiliar, it's a miracle drug that will banish acne for the rest of your life (no matter how bad you've got it). After starting my dosage, it became pretty clear how this stuff works--it sucks all the moisture out of your body until you're skin falls off. Seriously. Within days my face was a minefield of dry skin. When I'd laugh, my lips would crack (sexy look for a college kid), my nose was like the Kalahari, and my ears were straight up falling off. But they tell me beauty is pain. So I went with it.

To remedy the intense dryness, I tried your regular brand ChapStick and lotion from the drug store. That was a bust, and I think it actually made things worse. Then I upgraded to a "heavy-duty" ointment, which was also miserable, and my friends told me it was fairly disgusting to be applying it in public. Finally, a friend fed up with looking at my grotesque face told me to get Aquaphor. It sounded mysterious, like some sort of mythological remedy from Olympus, so I took her advice.

Within days of throwing a little bit of the lotion and lip repair on my face, my skin was back to normal. I could laugh without bleeding, my ears grew back, and my nose returned to its usual state of hydration. Granted, a wintry mix and strong wind won't dry you out quite like Accutane, but Aquaphor will certainly keep your skin in top condition, no matter how bad it gets. If you find yourself a victim of winter dryness, this is your cure. And, if you happen to cut yourself shaving, it helps to stop the bleeding and irritation. The lotion that keeps on giving.

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