When 36-year-old Bryan “Not His Real Name” Bryant separated from his wife, he got right to work making a hard break between his married life and his single-ish life. He changed up his products, buying new soap, laundry detergent, and so on—everything that was in his control. Then one night he went out with a new woman. Immediately a sick wave of familiarity washed over him: She was wearing Light Blue, the same fragrance his ex favored. “I smelled her as soon as she was within arm’s reach,” Bryan says. “It turned me off.” There was no second date.

His wife’s fragrance used to make Bryan happy. “I loved smelling my wife in the sheets, or on a t-shirt,” he says. “I legit had a t-shirt that I didn’t wash for months after we split because it still smelled like her.” Now it’s dating kryptonite.

Much has been made of the strong relationship between the olfactory system and memories, the former triggering the latter. Peanut butter aroma wafting through a space will take some people back to pleasant memories of school lunches, while others may recall a miserable latchkey upbringing or a low period during adulthood. Correlations vary based on personal experiences; and when those correlations have the complicated nuances of a romantic past, catching a recognizable whiff when you're off your guard can be all the more jarring.

As breakup triggers go, smells are even worse than songs. They can pop up in the most unlikely places—the subway, or your home—and the effect never wears off. One friend told me he’d be able to recognize any of his exes’ shampoos: “That goes all the way back to high school.” Jeff, 28, was more than 2500 miles from home, visiting friends in California, when he started to feel a little queasy. It took a moment to connect the smell of wicker furniture (“the kind with light, unstained wicker bases and canvas-covered pastel flower cushions, like, from the ‘80s”) to the smell of an ex’s mom’s house, five years after they broke up. “Tough to say how it made me feel, other than missing her.” Jeff adds that she broke up with him, and he loved her very much.

For me, the trigger was a former colleague, Paul, who wore Creed Aventus. Its sweet, leathery notes reminded me of a particularly vile boyfriend from my teen years. It’s not like I could refuse to work with Paul, but I realized that while you're never totally safe in the wild, you can make your home a safe space. It starts and ends with cleaning.

Say your breakup included a partner moving out of a shared home where you still live. If your late sweetie left any go-to smelly things—shampoo, candles, dryer sheets, etc.—they need to go. Return them to their original owner, gift them to an unsuspecting friend, or dump them in the trash—just make sure you ditch them. Next priority: Getting out smell remnants. Melissa Maker, star of YouTube channel Clean My Space, says to launder everything you can (towels, bedding, etc.) and dry clean what you can’t (rugs, curtains, and so on). If this sounds like overkill, remember that manic laundering is a great way to distract yourself from your grief.

For other fabric items like furniture and heavy drapes, Maker suggests baking soda. “You can sprinkle baking soda on any soft surface from your mattress to sofa cushions and carpets, and you can let that sit for 30 minutes and then vacuum it up,” she says. “That is a surefire way to eliminate odors.” You can also add ½ a cup of the stuff into a load of laundry to further blast away scents.

It’s tempting to introduce heavy scents like Febreze to mask remaining smells, but resist. Succumbing to room sprays is a little like dousing yourself in cologne post-workout, sans shower. Aim to rid your apartment of all old smells before turning over a new aroma leaf. As Maker says: “Neutralizing is key.”

Open windows around your place to get a good cross-breeze going, and then reclaim your space by bringing a new scent profile into your home. “Let's say your ex really liked mulling spices and had a nutmeg and cinnamon-smelling candle,” Maker adds. “Look for something a little more woody and musky. That would really help change the scent profile of the home pretty quickly.”

Essential oil diffusers don’t run too steep (about $18 on Amazon Prime) and won’t lock you into 30 or 40 hours of the same scent. Add a couple drops of whatever essential oil you’re feeling at the moment (or make a cocktail of sorts! You’re single, go crazy!) and keep a rotation going. Maker suggests starting off with uplifting scents like peppermint, grapefruit, and eucalyptus.

You can also take a page from Bryan’s book and change up your own products. New scent, new you—or something like that.

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