Valentine’s Day has come and gone, but Loved One Gifting Season is an evergreen event, especially if your loved one is me. Excepting breakups, there is never a bad time to present a present to somebody you care about and also have sex with. Happy Black History Month, I love you, here is a diamond circlet and $10,000. This Loved One Gifting Season, give that special guy or gal or otherwise in your life the most considerate, thoughtful gift of all: The gift of a junk situation that smells benign or even nice.

The funny thing about getting rid of the funk is that I am almost positive it has occurred to you at some point that you should get proactive about it—and in that same moment you decided not to do anything. I don’t blame you! It’s daunting. But consider that for every time the thought of your own smell as occurred to you, it has "occurred" 70 times over to your intrepid partner. Do this for them. Or for yourself, in an empowering way.

Even those who reject the notion of personal grooming altogether agree on the one zone you should keep in check. (I once met with a “healer” who told me that cold cuts cause cancer and that every human should be diligent about scrubbing their Speedo area with soap.) Luckily, I am here for you, with recommendations based on your allotted budget for this task. Be a pal—a sex pal—and pony up.

For the Big Ballers Out There: Frederic Malle Body Milk in Cologne Indelible.This is the most expensive route, and thus, the most considerate. French perfumer Frederic Malle collaborates with some of the best noses in the game on each of his fragrances, which are available as Body Milks (lightweight lotions) in the same concentration as they appear in the perfumes themselves. That means potency. Cologne Indelible is clean neroli steeped in heady musk, and a little bit of lotion leaves a lasting (though not suffocating) aroma, which makes smelling it a pleasure.

For the Crunchy Naturalists: Trader Joe’s Virgin Unrefined Coconut Oil.I regret to be one of those people who says coconut oil is incredible for your skin, but coconut oil is incredible for your skin, especially, I’m sorry, for your groin. It’s antifungal and antibacterial, very cheap, and leaves a pleasant, tropical scent in its wake. It’s also useful and safe for, uh, anywhere. Enjoy!

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For the Heavy Sweaters: Prep U Citrus Mint Body Spray.For heavy-duty hygiene, look no further than a brand developed specifically for teenage dudes: Prep U. Prep U’s Citrus Mint Body Spray lasts so long, you will think that is how you smell now, and it replaces the worst BO with a scent that can only be described as Trident fresh. (Think of it as a younger, cooler version of what country club locker rooms stock.) The durable plastic bottle begs for adventure—throw it in your gym bag for post-workout freshening.

For Those on a Budget: Rubbing Alcohol.If you are truly destitute, extremely thrifty, or embroiled in a situation that gives you limited time to freshen up but unfettered access to rubbing alcohol (like if you’re fucking your doctor, I guess), a soaked cotton pad dabbed gingerly around the area will kill bacteria on site by drying out the area. You’re welcome to follow that up with your lover’s favorite scent—some rose essential oil, Chanel No. 5, steak. Once the bacteria is gone and you’re BO-free, what happens next is between you and yours.