Sex Lives chronicles the evolution of one person's sexual history. This week: Adam, 59, from Savannah, GA.

I grew up overseas in a very conservative country—in Morocco, where the interaction of men and women, especially in my generation, was not very open. If you lived in a conservative area like I did, contact between men and women was kind of limited. You had to sneak to even talk to a girl, so a lot of early sexual stuff for me was visual. What I was looking at, not what I was practicing in. I think one of my earliest experiences that I still remember—it left an indelible mark on me—was just looking at this young lady. She was looking out a window. She also came from a conservative family where she couldn’t come out and say stuff, she couldn't come out and meet me and talk to me. So we would look at each other—she was in her house and I was on the street. I would just come outside and look; she looked good! Occasionally she’d walk out and I’d follow. At some point we talked and it became a friendship; we would go to a big park or somewhere away from the eyes of her family, or society in general. And then we’d talk to each other. It was very romantic in a lot of ways, and less sexual, to be honest. We attempted something in a park at sunset once. So, so passionate. But also scary and dangerous if we were caught. 

I was traveling out of town, deep in the south of Morocco for work training. Myself and three other guys from the school ended up in this little town in the desert, but in that very particular part of the country they were not as conservative. It was not the same as the Muslim Arab society, they were from the south—they were Berbers. And they’re very accepting. And there was a pleasure house, and if you went no one was going to attack you like they might in my own hometown. In my neighborhood that was a big no no. 

Anyway, that was my first full sexual experience—with a woman there. The Berbers have incredibly beautiful features and to me it was something unlike what I’d ever seen. She was so different from the girl I was falling in love with, the girl from the window. These were beautiful women and they were very open. So you go to the house and the lady of the house offers you food and drinks. Four of us guys walked in and sat down, we had a couple of drinks and we talked and the ladies came out and they said, you guys can choose. I immediately went for one particular lady. Anyway, I was not experienced so I played with her and I came the first time and I went again and at some point she said, “No, you’re gonna have to pay more at this point.” 

So in the next couple weeks that we were there I would stop by now and then to see if she was there and then have another encounter. That was just amazing. What an emancipation. I was just shy of 18. In my conservative society and my generation that was pretty young; many men were waiting until they got married. 

Eventually, I left my home town to go to college for tourism and hospitality, and when I left that was it with the woman in the window. And there I met my first girlfriend. We had sex, but in a safe way; she didn’t want to do penetration. For her family—she was worried about repercussion—but we did everything else. We were in the north, in a very touristy, open area. There was alcohol, there were drugs.  I was in this group of guys who felt like we were very enlightened, very hip, if you will. And she came from a good family, a modern family, but still a conservative family. But that one thing—penetration—she was like: I’m not ready to do this, but we can play otherwise. It was a legit relationship. We talked about everything we hung out a lot. We were an item for the entire time we were in school, so two years. 

The real sexual emancipation came after that, I was a young man, barely 20, and I went to Switzerland for a summer. I had a lot of fun. And then I came to the US afterward to finish school at a college in Florida. I came from this land in the desert, everything was dry and everyone had dark hair and was very conservative about sexuality and then I came to the land of blonde hair and beaches. It was the time of Baywatch and Pamela Anderson. I was like This is awesome. The first time I was with a young blonde lady, we went back to my place and we had sex for the whole afternoon. And afterwards, I was jumping on the bed and she says, “Is this like…the ritual you guys do back home?” and I said, “No, not a ritual. I’m just so ecstatic. Blondes—I used to see them on TV. And now there’s a blonde in my bed.” 

Eventually, in Florida, I found my soulmate. I had a great, great relationship that lasted for twenty years after that. This woman was incredible—blonde, of course. But she was wonderful. And we just immediately fell in love and both of us felt that we were meant for each other. We’d done everything together. We went to school together, then moved together. We got married. But in 2007, unfortunately, she passed away from cancer. I worked on a book to celebrate her life and to talk about the grief that comes with surviving a spouse. When we were married, because of the nature of my work, I was traveling a lot and she was still in school for a PhD, so we didn’t have children for a while until 2003 or 2004, we renewed our vows and decided to start getting serious about having children and then shortly after she was diagnosed and then going through treatment. We were married, and things were good.  

I call this next part sexual emancipation part deux. I think at a certain age a lot of people lose their sex drive, but not for me. In my forties, I was married, and then in my late forties, I remarried briefly—that wasn’t the right thing. And then in my 50s, I really discovered I have the stamina and the desire and ability to have some incredible sexual experiences. I guess it’s being at a more mature age, where you’re more comfortable in your skin. And it’s sex outside of marriage, so outside of all the other pressures like family or what have you. It’s sex for the sake of sex and joy and satisfaction. After the divorce and everything the second time I had a lot more fun. I meet people mostly online now, I live in a small town, on a little island, so there’s not a lot of suitors. A lot of people are retirees. And I’m online and I travel. Maybe you meet someone at a bar, but not so much anyway. I use Bumble and Tinder, mostly; I recently had a fiasco with Facebook, which was scary—like, I don’t want you to follow me.

Some of the best sex I had was recently when I was traveling to New York with a woman who is also in her 50s. She’s got a great body and she’s fun. And one time she said, “I want you to try this, you’re gonna love it.” And it was one of those gummies that had marijuana in it. So I tried that, and, man, we were wild. We were laughing and having sex and it lasted so long. We were playing with each other and doing all sorts of stuff. We’d also had a couple drinks before. It was so pleasurable and it lasted a long time. I look back now and go, wow that was good. 

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