I never did care to go to Japan or really any Asian country. My cultural/food/architectural tastes run decidedly old-world European. But the more I read about the “Love Hotels” in Japan….I wanna go just for this shit!!!! No matter what your kink is, there’s a room somewhere for it. They can go all out in some! Alien-abductions. Doctor’s office and waiting room. Arctic. Holocaust-style torture chamber. Outer Space. Claymation-style and cartoon character decorated. After all, haven’t you always wanted to have kinky sex in a Disney-themed room??? Spiderman-style room complete with wall chains so you can “swing” from the walls. A recreation of a subway car complete with rocking and sounds!

Most of the modern love hotels are clinical in the lobbies and there are no clerks. Those japanese sure do love their vending machines (which sell anything and everything, even sex toys, panties and…..I won’t go on) and this is no different. A wall of lit up pictures of the rooms, if its dark its occupied, the prices are there. Some you pay in advance and you get the key, some you pay before you leave your room. Rates are either for 1 or 3 hours, or overnight. There’s group rooms, some even with a huge swimming pool! Awesome…. I knew these sorts of things existed, but not to this degree!

Lemme show you the wackiness:

photo courtesy of bornplaydie.com

Osaka’s Gang Snowman is one of the more wild and detailed hotels. This room has a prison cage with a restraint cross, bondage coffee table with neck restraints, sauana/hot tub/massage table (cuz after being imprisoned you need to relax I guess).

photo courtesy of bornplaydie.com

Also at the Gang Snowman is the rooftop play area, which paying customers can use for free for 40 minutes. Garage themed (motor oil scene, anyone?) – yes that’s a real Caddy, with a hot tub. The Caddy has arm/leg restraints and when the car starts rockin…..the headlights flash. I shit you not.

Elsewhere in Japan….

Photo: Misty Keasler for Wired.com

A little Hello Kitty with your restraints? Why the fuck not!

Self explanatory, no?

Photo: Misty Keasler for Wired.com

This one is really fucking disturbing. Carousel. Large back-lit photos of happy toddlers on the walls. Wow….

Let’s continue with the bizarre/disturbing theme, shall we?

The Japanese Penis Festival. Celebrating fertility and large cocks. This isn’t an adult-themed festival. Nope.

Here honey…..pet the penis! Careful now!

In other news…..

Want a dismembered boob? What are these, DD?

VaginaDrum found this one and twitpic’d it:

If the crazy-ass game shows didn’t clue you in…..I’m convinced. They’re light-years ahead of us. In a parallel universe.