Did you feel it? That little tremor that ricocheted through the universe—a shockwave sent from a set of rock-solid pecs, built on protein powder and shiny with baby oil, leaving in its wake fluttering hearts and weak knees the world across? It was the news that Zac Efron and The Rock will be teaming up to film a Baywatch movie, which some have dubbed “BAEwatch,” but which is really just what happens when you leave Magic Mike and 21 Jump Street in a dimly lit room with a Luther Vandross album, some Grey Goose, and no condoms.

Here’s what Zac had to say about it in an interview:

“I think we’re going pretty big with it.” And: “We’re going to reinvent it in a big way.”

Johnson voiced his excitement on Twitter:

“It’s BIG.” And: “BIG NEWS.”

Sounds like it’s going to be pretty big. But really, those descriptions are perfect. Because this is a body-off for the ages, pairing the Rock’s CAPS LOCK BODY with Zac Efron’s more 12-pt body. It pits the body women want their boyfriend to have against the body women want the guy who ate their boyfriend to have. We’re guessing—and, again, this is just a guess—that means copious scenes sans shirts. Which leaves you, guy, in a dark theater, sitting on a comfy movie theater chair and a not-so-comfy pile of your own insecurities, wondering which you've conquered more of: plates of General Tso’s eaten or miles run.

You’re experiencing body envy, man. It’s going to be okay. But strap in. Here’s a likely inner monologue.

Wow. Zac Efron. That guy is really ripped, huh? It’s probably because he has a personal trainer. Should I get a personal trainer? How much is that? Wait, I probably need to join a gym first. Which—expensive. It’s unfair really, because that’s, like, Zac Efron’s job. If I were a movie star and paid to be that good looking and in-shape, I could totally do it. But that’s not my job. I’ve got a real job.

Jesus, what are those THINGS outside of his abs? They look like extra ribs. Does Zac Efron have extra ribs? I don’t think girls really like guys who look like this…do they? Nah. It probably makes them insecure. Yeah, they want a guy to crush some fucking tiramisu with. I mean, it’s not like I’m fat. Am I? I’ve got that friend Dave. Now, he’s fat. I mean, you can’t even see my fat through my shirt. [looks down at stomach, sucks in] I’m good. But that weird pelvic V-thing, how do you even—

IS THAT THE ROCK? WHAT DO YOU EAT, MAN? Where does this guy buy suits? Does he care about his toilet’s feelings, like, at all? I wonder if it’s healthy to be that big. Is he going to age well? How come his tattoos didn’t stretch? I’m not that far from being this big. Yeah, I could definitely get this big. Just a couple months in the gym and a few cases of Muscle Milk, and I’m there. I’ll start next week.

But these guys probably don’t ever get to eat a meal they want. Yeah, never mind. I don’t think I’ll do it. My girlfriend said she likes the way I look! She also said, “I’d totally fuck Zac Efron if you gave me a Hall Pass.” Haha. Naaaaah. That was hypothetical. [looks over at girlfriend] Her chest is all red. Is she panting? Fuck. I got to start working out more. [grabs a handful of popcorn]

Clay Skipper is a Staff Writer at GQ.XInstagramRelated Stories for GQZac EfronDwayne ""The Rock"" JohnsonMovies