Hairy people of Earth, please know that I understand your plight. I am covered in body hair. It grows everywhere. (Except in my ears—for now at least.) It makes me sweaty. It’s takes a lot of time to manage. It sheds. It gets itchy.

The thing is, I like some of my body's hairs. Shout out to my chest hairs. I can tolerate leg and arm hair. But then there are the pernicious patches of hair in hard-to-reach places (Back hair! Groin tufts!) that are much harder and more painful—but not impossible—to keep in check. Since puberty, my experiences getting rid of unwanted body hair (via ruthless and constant monitoring) have primed me to be the follicular expert I am today. And I'm here to help others. Valiant, I know.

The first thing any body hair removal first-timer needs to determine is what process works best for you. Shaving? Usually not. Trimming? Better. Total hair removal? Advanced—and ouch. The good news no matter which way you go is that there are more products, techniques, and hacks than ever before. Here are some tips to get your siege on unwanted hair underway:

If You're Tacking Your Torso

Unless you want to be a human pumice stone for your significant other, I suggest you avoid shaving your chest. Your partner will thank you, even if he or she is attracted to dolphin smoothness. It’ll also spare you from having to shave half of your body every single day.

But, if you're determined to achieve that look, there's an alternative route. I would first suggest a depilatory cream to dissolve the hair at its root; this will buy you a few weeks before it starts to regrow, and it won’t grow back with a blunt, sharp edge. Test a bit on one patch of hair to see how you react. If it goes well, take it all off. If not, then you can consider waxing it. This will be painful and often results in an acne breakout. But you can expect up to 6 weeks before the new hairs grow in. Regardless of which full-removal method you attempt, do it a few days before you need to showcase the goods in public, barring any possible redness, sensitivity to sun, or irritation. Follow the procedure as you would a shave: a cold shower, nourishing lotion, and, if you can, try to avoid sweating for a couple days, which will clog the pores.

But the best solution is usually to trim it. A good beard trimmer works well on the rest of the body. I stand loyal to my Philips Norelco Vacuum Beard Trimmer Series 7000, which has adjustable length settings so that I can clip everything to one even length.

If Fuzzy Shoulders Are Your Concern

Your beard trimmer is your best bet here, too. For the shoulder, take the trimmer down to its lowest setting, and shear it all off. I prefer this over a razor since the shoulders are susceptible to breakouts, given they spend the whole day under your shirt, accumulating sweat and never breathing. So, I think it’s best to avoid removing the hair from the pores, and instead I trim mine every few days with the trimmer.

When You Want To Clean Up The Back Of Your Neck

You're gonna need help for this one. If you want your friend or partner to help you maintain a clean neckline between haircuts that's cool, but know that their job will be much more difficult if you have a "natural" hairline. That requires artful blending. Your best bet here is seeking professional help. Gettting a touch up from a barber shouldn't cost more than $15 and it'll add an extra couple weeks before you need a real haircut again.

Just Say No To Neckbeards

Always avoid the neckbeard. Take two fingers, place them above your Adam’s apple, and then imagine a U-shaped line that hits this point from behind each ear. With your trimmer on its lowest setting (or, in this one case, your razor), shave everything below this line. This will preserve the whiskers under the chin and on the jaw while removing anything excessive.

How to Attack A Hairy Back

Unlike a shaved chest, you won’t give your partner the same rug burn if you shave your back. Even so, I’d sooner suggest using your body trimmer, since the back so easily breaks out. Employ this same partner to trim the hairs every week or two, without feeling pressure to keep it totally smooth.

If you want rubber-ducky sleekness, then waxing and depilatory creams are your best options. I prefer the latter, because I really try to avoid waxing at all costs. (Personal choice, but I think it’s too much risk for irritation and grief, just for a couple weeks of hairlessness.)

What To Do Down There

Do you really need to remove your ass hair? And everything in those crevices? First, I ask you “Why?”

If you're fixated on sheer smoothness, try depilatory cream. Or waxing, if you dare. Just DO NOT SHAVE your ass, ok? Imagine two pieces of sandpaper rubbing against each other, and how much friction that entails. Your skin will be raw hamburger for weeks on end.

As for the rest of it, don’t use a razor there, either. If you’ve read this far, you know enough about sweating and clogged pores and irritation. So, use the trimmer, clip it to your desired length, slightly above the skin to avoid anything too stubbled. It’s also easy to clip the hair on your balls without ever touching the skin with the clipper. And thank god for that, given the sensitivity of the skin there.

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Adam Hurly has been covering men's grooming since 2013 (and for GQ since 2016). He is also a travel writer. In Fall 2024, Adam is launching Blue Print by Adam Hurly, a men's grooming platform. Adam resides in Lisbon (previously Berlin, NYC, and San Francisco). He is a Sioux Falls, SD, native... Read moreWriterInstagramRelated Stories for GQShavingBody HairGrooming