Skinny Legs Guy

Condition: Gronk up top, JV cross-country kid on bottom.

How it Happens: You literally never work on anything below your waist. “I think a lot of people don't do legs, because they feel like it's too hard. Out of the box the first thing they feel is super sore. They can't walk. They can't go down the subway stairs,” Lanier says. “And then they're like, ‘Ah, fuck this. I'm never doing leg day again.’ And they just train up top and it creates this very top-heavy bad little man.”

Fix it: It’s a simple fix and, uh, sort of self-explanatory? Just do some legwork! Lanier likes squatting and deadlift—with proper supervision and instruction—and also recommends running stairs or doing box jumps. Bonus: Doing legs just twice a week is sufficient. “You can do this in a minimal amount of time,” he says, “as long as you're doing some quality work.”

Bench Press Bro

Condition: Rock-hard pecs, severe grunting, seemingly endless supply of cut-off Colgate lacrosse shirts.

How it Happens: Your dad installed a rusty bench press in the garage and gave you an industrial-sized jug of Creatine for your 14th birthday, and you never looked back. “Your pecs don't really do much for you,” Lanier says. “There's no real function. It’s a show muscle. But the problem is, people focus so much on their pecs that they ignore their back—and when you have a really great chest and a really weak back, it doesn't look good for you. And it's also really bad for your posture because you have these tight pecs that are pulling your shoulders forward.”

Fix it: Mix in some work for your back. “Bench Press Bro can do bent over rows, pendlay rows, upright row, and pull ups,” Lanier says. “These will help his chest look better because it will improve his posture—allowing a proud chest rather than a bent over Hunchback of Notre Dame posture.”

Look At My Lats

Condition: Hogs the pulldown machine. Has bronzed shoulders in the middle of February, which bulge from the tank tops he wears every damn day. Muscle-bound arms seem to be wearing invisible floaties at all times.

How it Happens: You do nothing but pulling motions at the gym. “It makes your T-shirts fit really well,” Lanier says, laughing. Which is great when you’re working out regularly—but those wings are going to sag big time if you ever slow down. “When you decide to not work out as much as you once did, you'll have a harder time creating definition in the lats as they decrease in size,” Lanier says. “And another bad thing is not being able to put your arms by your sides and the immobility that comes with overdeveloped muscles in general.”

Fix it: More pushing and less pulling. Lanier recommends overhead press and, yes, the old fashioned bench press to even out your hulking lats. We can already see a budding gym bromance between Lat Guy and Bench Press Bro, spotting each other to a more healthy gym existence.

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